My name is Laura and I lost my only sibling, my brother Brian, to suicide in October of 2010. He was only 35.

I’ve been writing letters to him as a way to help me express the grief I’m experiencing and decided to publish this blog in the hopes that it may help other people who have also experienced such a loss. Some of it may sound pretty raw and be difficult to read. I try not to modify or filter my thoughts in any way that may make them any less true for the sake of making others more comfortable. Grieving the suicide loss of someone close to you is not a comfortable process and I wanted to honor that by remaining as honest as possible.

The best way through the grief is just that– through it, not around it. Those difficult (and sometimes unbearable) feelings need to be dealt with– if not now, they’ll find their way out sooner or later. Very painful things come up and often those around us would like the feelings to go away and just want the “old us” back. The problem with that is that person no longer exists; the very fabric of our being has been irriversibly changed and there are a lot of feelings that go along with learning to survive in our “new normal.”

If even one person out there reads my letters and feels just a little less crazy or a little less alone… I’ll have considered this a great success. I’ve also included links to a few great websites under “Resources.” I have no affiliation with them but they are wonderful organizations relating to mental health, self-injury support and suicide prevention and awareness.

Thank you for reading!